Thirty Six years ago, my oldest child died. He was 17.

Thirty Six years ago, my nephew died. He was 16.

They were best friends.

I still have no answers. But I still have questions. I was told by many people, “don’t ever question God”……. I thought ‘well I know God is God, after all!’ But if I have questions He will be the one that I present my questions to!”  And I did… He did not answer me in the manner that I wanted. Now, I’m glad He didn’t. I didn’t need to know. But He did give me what I needed to be sustained at the time. And He has continued to do that through every day, week, month and year since. And God showed me in a dream, where my son was. With Him! And that is all I needed to know.

The first two years, I lost all my sanity. The first two years, people told me, “Alice you are so strong”……. “It’s Bronson (my late husband) that we are worried about.”  And they were right. 

My grief swallowed me up. My scream got buried. 

BUT I knew who was responsible. The one that came to kill, steal and destroy. And I told that one that if I could get ahold of him, I would make him suffer for ever and ever and ever. THEN,

I remembered that was exactly what God had promised to do. Then my anger subsided.

I also thought about Job and that the one who kills, steals and destroys had taken all of his family. But after his days in sackcloth and ashes, God had restored all. And that is when I told the devil that my suffering would last for a while, but that I would be given many sons and daughters. And that is where this story begins. 

For a long time, I have hidden on Facebook behind scriptures, thinking that if I don’t post anything controversial, then no one will get upset or annoyed with me beyond repair. Do not mention religion or politics I had heard said. And for the most part I knew this was true. A few years ago I lost best friends and relatives  because I posted on facebook my political views and my opinions on religious subjects. Those losses hurt. A lot! So, not wanting to feel that pain again, I decided to stick to one liners, especially scripture verses. I thought ‘well, if I only post a scripture, then anyone who doesn’t like it will just have to take it up with God’. He said it, not me. ……. And that seemed to be working quite well so far. But then something happened that has changed everything. An injury to somebody’s son that lives in my community and I instantly remembered my words from so many years ago……. “many sons and daughters”.  

Since I buried my child, there have been others that I called mine! Or at least part mine. Where I live is my home and the young round’ about me are my sons and daughters as well. I can no longer hide behind scriptures escaping controversy. As a mother and grandmother, keeping silent while children are being endangered is not acceptable, for a Christian or a non-Christian. The church has been silent too long and children are being destroyed while people like me have cowered down and have said nothing except behind closed doors. I know in my heart that I must at least try to speak up for those who have no voice. I’ve found my voice again. It’s been buried too long, right beside of my backbone. Now, I’m joining the other voices. And I say “LOCK HIM UP!” No child should have to live in fear of retaliation!

I am a very compassionate person. That is my heart. People can be forgiven. That is not even the question. Forgiveness requires showing feelings of remorse and repenting. However, Justice in the legal system can not be sidestepped. Rehabilitation of a broken person requires God……. Nothing less! 

We live in the greatest country in the world. Yesterday, Steve and I watched the entire tribute to ‘Remembering Charlie Kirk’.  

I heard many amazing words spoken, which will stay in my heart forever. Our Vice President said that he had spoken more about Jesus in the last few days since the assassination, than he had ever spoke in his life. His words and others such as Marco Rubio showed me that the change is beginning. Change  happens in the hearts first. Only after that can it happen in a community or a nation. 

Now, I am going to say his name. Please don’t stone me. 

Our President, Donald Trump spoke as well. Now… hear me on this. Please! I’ve never been a big fan of the arrogance that sometimes accompanies the wealthy. But I have see a changed man since the first four years and his present term. Give the ‘man’ a little grace. He is still a young Christian… as many are! Our president is helping to give the church a window in time that cannot be wasted! It won’t last forever. Repentance does not mean saying “I’m sorry”… It means turning away from and never going back to the sin we leave behind. 

I’ve written from my heart and I’ve said what I believe God has given to me. I challenge others to follow their heart as God leads them. Not everyone is able to handle these types of issues. I’ve had to go deep to find the courage to use my voice again which required coming out of my safe place. And if you are wondering, Yes I did show up on Saturday and signed the petition. Both of them. Love me or hate me. I’m ok with that. 

My closing thought is more on the subject of rehabilitation. Whether it be rehabilitation of a broken person, a broken community or a broken nation… it all requires God……. Nothing Less! ……. “And will only work by talking on your knees”